Sunday, 19 June 2016

Who Owns My Jewelry, Certainly Not Me!

 This little word, jewelry, gives me so many thoughts – diamonds, I so love them, I am in awe of them like every other woman on planet Earth! Jewelry -- what about the loads of oversized gold sets that I received at my wedding? It again puts my mind to work. Given I am not drawn to such things, how about if I sell these and get something I like with the money?! How about an off-road? Surely something to die for!!

Jewelry is a matter of personal choice and preference, reflection of an individual's personality. Being a minimalist, my jewelry routine usually consists of two rings, an engagement ring and another dainty one on the other hand and watches, no necklaces or earrings. I do wear studs on and off. I wonder where does that all heavy stuff fit in my life? Nowhere! I have worn them not more than twice or thrice in my entire married life. What would I do with all the chunky sets that have been tucked away in the safety of the bank lockers?  

I would have loved being given a choice or at least asked if I really wanted to have those. But you know what, I myself had no clue that all that loads of money invested in those oversized yellow and white metals would be of no value to me. Because it is not me who owns it, it is my bank safe that really owns it!! Can’t agree more that it has just been a waste of money, well, at least from my point of view!

Oh Lord! If only had I known this earlier! But hey, could have I been able to alter anything? Absolutely no chance, because of our age-old big fat Indian weddings and the social stigma attached to it. It is all connected to the social status of the families involved rather than the functionality and utility of it.

There is a big request I want to make especially to all the Indian parents worldwide that before investing such huge amounts of money, the hard-earned money, in things like jewelry for your children, please make sure they are actually going to use it. Ask if they desire or dream of something else that matters to them that needs funding. Would not that be a huge help to them? Or if you have to splurge on jewelry itself, do that on the kind of jewelry they would actually wear, not on something to be bequeathed, to pass from one generation to another.

Given a choice now I would happily get all that cashed and buy a sports car for myself (I am a car freak!) or would go on a month long Europe trip with my travel crazy husband! Do I sound like I am born with some kind of an anomaly?!

But it is not a cakewalk. I know it is my jewelry but I am not the owner in its true sense. It seems to be more of an investment thing in our investment portfolio. Like the other homely things, we all own it jointly.

Dear parents, can we just let go of the antediluvian customs? I fail to understand why we have to follow everything blind-folded? For the sake of society? Can’t we just do things that suit us more with some variations here and there?

I believe we should keep modifying rules and regulations, customs and traditions with the changing times to live a happier and soothing life. Isn’t that living all about?

Let us take note from Charles Darwin’s Evolution Theory. We, Homo sapiens, have evolved from apes. Had not we, we would still have been apes. If us humans, animals and birds can evolve over time, then why not our customs? Aren’t they too becoming obsolete? Why are we so tied to them?

Having said that, I also believe that customs and traditions are what keep us rooted to our culture and we should not forget our origin and where we belong to but at the same time the same customs and traditions sometimes restrict us from being ourselves, injecting complexities in our lives. It is us who have created them. It is us who abide by them and it is us who need to modify them. Do give it a thought ladies and gentlemen and let us strive to make our lives happier, easier and simpler!

Friday, 10 June 2016

Is That Break From Work Really Needed

It has been nine years but it feels like just the other day when I got married. It has been a terrific journey so far. From being a carefree girl to being a mother of two, that’s quite a transformation I have gone through.

Sometimes when I just sit back and wonder what have I done in all these years, what have I done to myself, what has happened to my once blooming career, what have I earned in all these years, have I wasted all these years not working ??!! There is a voice inside my head saying ‘Don’t worry my dear, you have not lost anything. You have earned a beautiful family!!’

I was in two minds. It was a difficult decision to make, but I had to. I reasoned with myself. Why have I given birth to this child, just to complete the family or to be taken care of by maids? Doesn’t she owe the very best of my time? Who doesn’t need a mother? A mother is the most precious possession a child can ever have (don’t we all turn to our mothers even as adults in face of any difficulty), then why am I thinking of robbing her of it? A mother is the most important part of a child’s initial years. I wanted to be there in my children’s foundation years. I wanted them to be emotionally safe and secure, generous and compassionate human beings and not turn into harsh, self-centered adults. If one wants to turn a blind eye towards it all, one can, but yes, a child’s initial years do play a major role in forming their personalities, future potential and attitude towards life. Moreover, I wanted to live their childhood, give them lots of love and attention with no conditions attached; for it is short enough, once it is gone, it is gone forever. And what am I bothering about? Work? I did not prefer to live under constant pressure between maintaining a healthy lifestyle, giving time to kids and performing well at work. I thought I could re-establish my career once my kids were a little grown up. I could always chase my dreams, pursue my interests and work and earn but the same would not be true with respect to nurturing a family.

It is then that I realized that life always gives you choices and few years back I made my choice. Getting married at 24, planning family pretty soon and deciding to give my full time to them, refusing to leave them to maids or crèches, putting my financial independence at stake, all were the choices I made.

Raising a family is an emotionally and physically challenging job and I can say that only after having experienced it. Now at 33, I wonder what kind of energy I had at that time. Carrying both of them, waking up nights, chasing them, feeding them seems a fairly difficult task. Even the thought of it all gives me goosebumps. I don’t feel as energetic as I used to be. I guess there is a right time for everything. Losing my father to age in my adolescent years, how I wished we could spend some more years together, why he didn’t have us earlier in his life and a lot many things difficult to enlist left me to do a lot of synthesis. It’s the family that’s all one wants in the end which no amount of money or other worldly achievements can fulfill.

Two adorable kids and a beautiful family to look back on, the warmth and giggles, bonding which we all share with each other, I know, is going to survive through the thick and thin of life! Taking a break has been worth it! It has all been worth it!

Just a cross check, would this all have been possible had I been a full-time working mom. The answer is No! Probably, I would not have had a second child. The values, the bonding, the emotional security that the kids now have would not have been there. Today, I am a content and guilt-free mother! This feeling would not have been there. I won't have to live with the feeling of guilt haunting me for the rest of my life!

Basically, it depends on one’s priority. If you want a glistening career, go for it but do weigh the pros and cons beforehand so that you don’t have to regret later as you know there are no free lunches in life, you pick one you lose one!